All We Want for Christmas is a New Gov’nor

Thank you, Scott Walker, for inspiring me to write this poem:  

How The Gov’nor Stole Christmas by Carrie Scherpelz

Every Who Down in Who-ville Liked Christmas a lot...

But the Gov’nor, On high ruling Who-ville, Did NOT!

The Gov’nor hated those Whos! Their whole Christmas season! Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason. It could be that his head wasn’t screwed on quite right. It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. But I think that the most likely reason of all May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

But, Whatever the reason, His heart or his shoes, He spent lots of time on despising the Whos, Ignoring all of their needs with a sour, Gov’nory frown From high in his office above, he looked down.

And THEN They’d do something he liked least of all! Some Whos down in Who-ville, the tall and the small, Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing. They’d stand side-by-side every noon and start singing!

They’d sing! And they’d sing! AND they’d SING! SING! SING! SING! And the more the Guv thought of the Noon-Hour-Sing The more the Guv thought, “I must stop this whole thing! “Why for three hundred days I’ve put up with it now! I MUST stop Whos from singing! ...But HOW?”

Then he got an idea! An awful idea! THE Gov’nor GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

“I know just what to do!” The Guv said, laughing aloud. And he made a quick call to the DOA crowd. While he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Gov’nory trick! “I can stop all this singing that makes me so sick!”

“All I need is a Song Law...” The Guv looked around For anti-song laws, but they could not be found. Did that stop the old Gov’nor...? No! The Guv simply said, “If I can’t find the right law, I’ll make one instead!” He called his attorneys who wrote twenty pages of rules And he smiled to himself ‘cause now he had TOOLS!

THEN He notified the Press And shared the good news That the singers in Whoville Were soon going to lose . . .

The very last of their rights, Their Freedom of Speech! The very First Amendment— That one all teachers teach!

He’d already stolen, with a smile most unpleasant, Their Bargaining Rights and every last present! Their train! Public Transit! Recycling Aid! Money for schools! Progressive law! Medicaid! The Guv stole open meetings and then voting rights! He just Divided all Whoville, and betrayed all their trust!

The worst thing about it—he made deals with the Kochs That made life much harder for ordinary folks. The Whos’ hearts were broken and then he did this, “You must pay for SINGING!” he said with a hiss.

The Whos down in Whoville didn’t think that was funny. The one thing the Whos did NOT have was money.

“If you don’t pay, go to jail,” said the Guv grimly. But the Whos had lost jobs and lost wages, so dimly They peered at the Guv and said, “Governor, why, “Why are you taking our Singing now? WHY?”

But, you know, that old Gov’nor was so smart and so slick He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick! “You Whos cost too much and you’ve caused too much damage.” “By singing? What damage? It’s all we can manage To just make a living in Whoville down here.” The Gov’nor ignored them and turned a deaf ear.

“Pooh-pooh to the Whos!” he was happily humming. “They’re finding out now their comeuppance is coming! “They’re just waking up! I know just what they’ll do! “Their mouths will hang open a minute or two “The all the Whos down in Who-ville will all cry BOO-HOO!”

“That’s a noise,” grinned the Gov’nor, “That I simply must hear!” So he paused. And the Gov’nor put a hand to his ear. And he did hear a sound he didn’t quite know. It started in low. Then it started to grow...

The sound wasn’t just Singing. Why, this sound was SINGING! It couldn’t be so, But his ears were ringing.

He stared down at Who-ville! The Guv popped his eyes! Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small, Was singing! Not just a few Whos but ALL! He HADN’T stopped Singers from coming! MORE CAME! Somehow or other, thousands came just the same!

And the Guv, with his Gov’nor-feet cold in the snow, Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so? “I can’t put them in jail! No room for them all! “They stand hand in hand! Who can I call “To drag them away, without looking small?” Then the Guv thought of something that started to gall. “Maybe my law,” he thought, “was NOT smart to make. “Maybe (I hope!) one saw my mistake!”

And what happened then...? Who-ville they say Did the Gov’nor’s small heart Grow three sizes that day? Did he admit his mistake, they all wonder, Or did he instead blame someone for his blunder?


The millions in Whoville kept singing together Solidarity songs, no matter the weather!

(Thanks for the photo of Solidarity Singers singing recall carols round the tree, WisLightkeeper!)